The Guilty Environmentalist Diary.

Yep, I'm a guilty environmentalist. Hugging trees while simultaneously wringing my hands of liberal guilt. You don't need to judge me, because I already do. 

I've used paper towels to clean up gross shit in my apartment instead of reaching for a cloth rag. I don't line dry my clothes, don't always remember to bring my mug to the coffee shop, and don't make my own bread. Two months ago, I bought Cinnamon Toast Crunch-like cereal and proceeded to eat four bowls of it for dinner. I know.

Ever the The Awakening (a.k.a. reading this article and then finding Beth Terry's blog), I've done lots of Good Environmentalist Shit, which I will soon compile into a list and then proudly display at some point on this blog in order to feel like a good person. 

But since then, I've also done a lot of bad shit, too. Some of it due to forgetfulness, laziness, and sometimes, even on purpose. I know. 

The thing is, I know that systemic change is what will *really* save the world. That's what Annie Leonard says anyway, and I believe her. But I can't help but fret over the fact that if *I* was really hardcore about saving the world, I'd get off my ass and go to the farmer's market and spend the $6 on local organic strawberries that don't come in plastic and then buy a whole bunch so that when I'm freezing my ass off in January, I can have local, organic, non-plastic encased frozen strawberries and feel sooooo good. 

And by the way, I love talking about what a Good Environmentalist I am. I really do. I could tell you all day about the Good Environmentalist Shit I've done, because I'm really proud of it. 

Now would be a good time to point out I was able to do most of that shit because of my economic and racial privilege. That's right, privilege. Things I take for granted, such as my education, living illness and handicap-free, growing up in a stable home in the first world, not having to take care of anyone except for myself, and being able to pay rent in a nice part of Boston, a city with reliable and efficient public transportation. I will point all of this out again and again, because life isn't as simple as just "choosing." There's a lot of other shit going on, too. More on that later.

So, here's my Guilty Environmentalist Diary. I will feel bad when I did / did not do something and then discuss it. I am not looking for compliments, pity, or for you to justify my action / inaction. I just need a space to vent.

Also, I'm not here to tell you what Good Environmentalist Shit you should be doing. I don't know you or have any idea what your life is like. It's true that I have guilt about lots of environmental shit, and if you do too, discuss, and if you don't, ok. 

I'm just here to do some brooding.