Facebook Etiquette with Sort-of Friends.

We don't have any pictures together on Facebook. I think I wrote on his wall once to wish him a happy birthday. I wouldn't call us friends, exactly.

But I've known him since I was born. Probably. I don't know. I remember having a crush on him when I was 13 and thought those white shell necklaces were HAWT. I was confused, obviously.

During those years, I also remember frequently thinking what a little shit because his quick-witted mean remarks often left me stunned and embarrassed, and I, two years younger and not well-versed in sarcasm, could never think of anything clever to say back.

We got older, and I went to a well-ranked university. He dropped out of college his first year and went back to live with his parents. I see him no more than twice a year, in the company of our parents who fill the void with superficial chatter. I can't remember the last time I had an actual conversation with this guy.

As I mentioned before, I spent last week with my family. I left for a few days in the middle because of the work shifts I couldn't get out of, which meant I missed the awkward dinner with Friend X and his parents that I oh so look forward to every year. Right...

The next day, he wrote the following on my FB wall: your [sic] lame* for not coming to dinner yesterday. You could've met my amazing nephew. Too bad for you.

I was offended and fired back: It's "you're," not "your," buddy. Nice to hear from you.

From there we engaged in what my partner calls "net rage," or the firing of negative messages based on ego and short-lived anger and sometimes plain stupidity. He called me an elitist, I said he was being a pain in the ass. Etc.

Friend X was probably joking. He probably meant his original FB post to be taken in a playful way that hinted of camaraderie. I get it.

I've had many a friend in which a hey bitch greeting was not an insult. Where getting "mad" at being greeted by said phrase was funny. This kind of repertoire is one that I share with close friends, where enough trust exists in the relationship to know that your friend isn't actually trying to offend you, and she knows that you aren't really mad.

And just as I would've been pissed if my sister's boyfriend's roomate (not a trusted friend, to be clear) greeted me with a hey bitch, I took Friend X's original FB wall post as an insult.

But the thing is, I still feel like an asshole for pointing out his grammatical error. Was it mean to respond to his insult with an insult of my own? "Giving him a taste of his own medicine" is a tenable aphorism that comes to mind. But so does "taking the high road" (thanks mom) or "not resorting to the maturity of a 7th grader."

There's a second reason, too. Even though *I* don't think we're close friends (or ever have been), maybe he thought we were, or at least close enough for dry insults via FB to be friendly. And even though *I* don't like pretending that my acquaintances are my BFFs for life, maybe he does.

So, in the name of social harmony, should I have tucked away my indignation and responded differently? Or not at all?

Part of me says yes, asshole, you acted like a freaking 12-year-old, and even worse, it's now forever written on your FACEBOOK, which all of your other non-friends can gawk at for the rest of their LIVES (cue white people problems...)

On the other hand, am I suffering from The Syndrome? You know, the one that reads like this: if you have a vagina, then you're not supposed to use insult to let the other person know you didn't like the way they talked to you, because then that would mean you are standing up for yourself a bitch.

Maybe it's my social anxiety kicking in again. I don't know. I'm torn.

*I would like to point out that this is ableist language, which is never okay in any situation. Click here for more info.